"Everything around you is your teacher."
So, I got home from yoga class tonight, but something just didn't feel right. I've had little snitches of time over this weekend where I started to feel very negative about things - stressing out about how I'm going to follow through on my commitment to yoga teacher training, stressing out about getting our new kindergarten routine down, stressing out about where I'm going to find the time to get all my work done if I have to be running back and forth to Keene three times a day, stressing out about money. All the usual stuff.
When I walked in the door, Colden was sitting at the table watching cartoons, and he hadn't had dinner yet. Bedtime on school nights now is around 7:30, and it was 6:45.
And I. Freaked. Out.
I was pissed. I frantically started to rummage through the fridge for something - anything - that my kid would eat for dinner. I was pissed at Tom for letting dinner go this late. I was pissed at myself for going to yoga. Didn't anything get done when I walked out of the house? How was I going to get this kid fed and bathed and into bed on time so that he didn't have a meltdown in the middle of the afternoon at kindergarten?
I was throwing curse words around in my head at an impressive rate.
It was most definitely a very un-yogic moment.
I swore up and down at the thought that I was going to have to stop going to the studio for yoga practice and instead stay home and make sure that things got done around here.
I was pissed that I wouldn't be able to get to the morning classes, and now I wouldn't be able to get to the evening classes, either. Too many logistics to work out. So much stuff to do! We're not just in pre-school anymore, we're in kindergarten now, and now we have to get SERIOUS.
It turned out that Colden refused to eat because he wanted to wait for me to get home from yoga. (Oh, my little man!) And Tom had been planning on doing bath time and bedtime.
So Colden and I sat at the table and ate a sandwich and some fruit, and then Tom got him in the bath tub while I wrote out the six zillion notes that Colden needs to take to school with him tomorrow, and then Colden came to give me a sweet-smelling hug and kiss goodnight.
And that's when it hit me: Tom was right. I can keep going to yoga practice at the studio. I can go on and do all these things that I need to and want to.
I just need to let go.
I've been so worried about the new routine, the new schedule, that I made it into a problem before it actually became a problem.
So what am I going to do?
Things will either get done, or they won't. And I need to stop feeling guilty for going to practice at the studio. I need to stop feeling guilty for committing myself to a teacher training.
When things are ready to happen, they'll happen. And I just need to accept that. Santosha, right?
Yes, I'm still going to have to haul my ass out of bed at 5 a.m. every morning for the next 9 months. But, whatever. Things will still get done. The sun will still rise and set, the leaves will change, the snows will come, and life will go on.