I went to my Monday night Hour Of Power class (Lawd, I hope she doesn't axe that class for the summer schedule, I LOVE it!), feeling a little different. And not just because for some reason, my allergies decided to act up today and I was walking around with a sinus full of stuff all day.
I wobbled a little in class, I was tired, I even yawned a little bit at the beginning, but I got into it. I felt strong again.
We practiced Surya Namaskara A and B, and I felt good. More confident.
We tried a new variation of king dancer, and I didn't like it, but I got it.
I felt a little different in class, because I made a big decision today. I decided to go down to Kripalu in the Berkshires for a weekend retreat, Deepen Your Practice: A Weekend Yoga Retreat. The idea of the retreat is to explore your practice in a supportive and creative environment.
Because, really, I'm starting to feel like after six months of pretty regular yoga practice, I'm trying to figure out where this will all fit in with my life. Sometimes, I get home from yoga, and it feels like everybody around me is stressed out and miserable, and what's the point of doing yoga, anyway? So, for me, this will be a weekend to just be with my practice, stay with it, like Robin says, and see just where it's going.
There were a million reasons why I thought I couldn't go. It's the weekend after I get back from my whirlwind trip to Cleveland for work. It's expensive. Tom doesn't have any more vacation time to watch Colden while I'm gone. I might have an anxiety attack while I'm there, or on the way down. It's too far away.
So, I looked into it a little more, and was surprised to find that it was actually quite doable. Since Kripalu is only about a 3 hour drive from here, I can leave at 11 a.m. and be down there in plenty of time for check-in at 2:15. The program is over on Sunday at lunchtime, so I should be home well before dinner on Sunday night. Tom's not working that weekend, either. The program fees and accommodations were surprisingly affordable.
As for the anxiety attack, my attitude now is just sort of, so what? It's not like I've never had an anxiety attack in public before. I've had them in the car. I've had them in restaurants. I've had them at my acupuncture appointments. And if I have one at Kripalu, it'll pass, just like all the rest.
Am I little nervous about this? Yeah. Am I excited to go and see just where this practice is going? Oh, hell, yeah.