Stronger

Yesterday was yoga teacher training, my last workshop day. We have one full weekend left in March - the 8th and the 9th - where we will do our 2 classes in the morning, and then basically spend the rest of the time teaching each other our final 75 minute Hatha classes that we've been preparing.

Admittedly, I wasn't feeling 100% when I got down to the studio in Schroon Lake yesterday morning. I was PMSing, and my left hip was still so sore that I couldn't do a swan dive down into a forward bend without catching my breath and using my hands to sort of slide my torso down.

Everything else aside, I thought, what if I approached this first Hatha flow class without the idea that it was hard? What if I just tried to approach it with no judgements, no notions of difficulty or anything like that.

And, well, it wasn't easy - mainly because my hip was just burning - but it certainly wasn't hard.

And to my surprise, I felt STRONG. Like, really strong. Despite the hip and the PMS and everything else, I really felt my muscles working. I felt my energy drawing down through my center, I felt calm.

I noticed last night as I was drying off after a bath that I actually have little muscles on my upper arms. (I guess thousands of Chaturangas, even with yer knees bent, will do that to you.) I don't think I've ever had muscles on my upper arms.

I feel mentally stronger, too. I notice the symptoms of the anxiety for what they are, and I rarely (if ever) get carried away by them anymore. On the days when I feel like things are bad or I'm feeling sad, I can just sit with it and not fight it and not let it overwhelm me.

14 months of daily yoga practice have, indeed, made me just a little bit stronger...