So, the last ten days have been a little rough around here. First of all, I was sick as a dog for most of the last two weeks. Muscle aches, low fever, and just general fatigue all left me feeling like a limp noodle at the end of the day, so, no yoga classes for me because my body was just begging for rest.
Tonight was my first yoga class back at the studio in over two weeks. I couldn't wait to get back there, couldn't wait to smell the familiar smells and just be in the calm of that place.
But there was also a little part of me that was afraid. Again, with the fear and the anxiety. (Because that's what happens to me after not being able to practice yoga for almost 10 days. The anxiety comes back, and it's pretty ugly.)
I was actually a little nervous before class. My brain was saying, "I can't, I can't, I can't..." But a few minutes into asana practice, my body was saying to me, gently, "Yes, you can."
And, well, I did.
Sure, my muscles shook a little bit when we got into Boat pose. Yes, my heart pounded a little when we were doing our vinyasas down to the floor and all the forward bends.
But, I did.
One of the reasons I started practicing yoga again was because I was initially overjoyed at the realization that there were all these things that my body COULD do. After nearly two years of just feeling sick every day, worrying about what the doctor's weren't finding, and having my anxiety running rampant over every reasonable, logical thought about my health, getting into Robin's yoga classes on Sunday afternoons and Tuesday evenings showed me that, yes, indeed, when my brain says "NO", my body will say, "YES".
And another thing...
I was chatting about the fall schedule with Robin tonight. She didn't have the Sunday class on the schedule anymore, and I was feeling a little devastated about that. Those Sunday community classes were where I fell in love with yoga, where I realized that this could be the way out from under the anxiety. So, I did what any completely insane budding yogi would do: I offered to teach them.
Maybe not every single one, mind you, but I offered to do a few, just to keep the classes going.
Am I ready to lead a class? I think so. I've been leading my husband for a few weeks, and if I can get him into yoga, I figure, I can get anyone into yoga...