Woa. Almost an entire month since my last post here? What the hell?
To be fair, there was another round of illness (sore throat, congestion, nausea, fever, wicked bad spastic cough), loads of yoga homework for teacher training, Thanksgiving, and now, preparing for solstice and Christmas. This is also that time of year that is a huge reminder that I am actually part of a retail marketing team, because my work schedule just feels completely out of control.
So, yeah, sometimes in between everything else, the blogging gets put off.
After missing classes at the studio for 2 weeks because I was either taking care of husband and child, or because I didn't want to be "that" person who unnecessarily spreads her germs around by coughing and sneezing and being sick in public, I went back on Friday night for a special EmPOWERment yoga practice led by Robin, followed by a screening of the movie Yogawoman.
The practice was amazing. After 2 weeks of stress and sickness and ever-shortening days, I could feel the anxiety bubbling up again in my stomach.
But the studio was warm and dim and cozy, and my friends were there, and Robin led us in this amazing practice to music that made me bust out laughing. Imagine doing Warrior I to the tune of "I'm Every Woman" by Chaka Khan, or the theme from Flash Dance. I dare you to not let even a giggle escape - it's impossible!
At the end of the practice, we sat in easy pose, with hands in a simple mudra, and Robin said, "List all the things you love about yourself." And even with the smile on my face, I had a hard time getting into that list, but I did it.
Afterwards, a projector was set up, and food was brought out, and we feasted and sat with each other and watched Yogawoman. (Which was a good movie, but a subject for a different blog post later on, I promise.)
I couldn't help but feel so cozy in that studio, even though it was close to -14° F outside. My "balanced dinner" that night consisted of a handful of spinach and cheese bites, some sundried tomato dip with pita crackers, a handful of popcorn, grapes, and a chunk of fair trade dark chocolate with almonds. Yummy.
It was a fun evening. After the movie, we all chatted some more - I realized that one of my friends from yoga classes and I were wearing the EXACT same sweater. Same color and everything. We chatted about our kids, about the weather, about nothing in particular, and I was overcome with this sense of community that I haven't felt in a very long time.
Finally, before I said goodbye to Robin, we gave each other a hug. She thanked me for coming. I said to her, "Thank you for doing this," and to my surprise, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude bubbling up in me.
I'll be honest - the last few months, I have been struggling to feel a sense of gratitude about anything. It just hasn't come naturally to me. But this - this felt genuine. So genuine, that it took me completely off guard.
Because what I meant when I said, "Thank you for doing this", was, "Thank you for doing this - all of it. The yoga. The studio. Being you. All of it. Thank you."
I went home feeling tired, but good. I was tired all the next day at teacher training, and absolutely exhausted yesterday morning. But I felt good.
I also felt the tiniest bit of hope stirring in me now. There is gratitude in there, somewhere.